Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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