my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My vagina is officially offended.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
