Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
