He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Bang-toberfest begins!!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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