My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
