I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
