waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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