On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
