you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
