i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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