It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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