I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
