Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This baby is an asshole
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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