I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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