this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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