it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
