Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
