Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
How naked do you want me to be?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
