you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
