I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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