need another drink. this is the easiest way
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
