Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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