We're facebook friends in real life
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
cat food counts as protein by the way
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize