Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
