I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize