were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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