Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
