not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
