I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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