I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize