you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Randomize
