I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
