White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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