Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize