so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
