your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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