Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
