see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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