Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
