I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She bit a glass in half.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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