for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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