so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
