Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
