she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's never too late to be topless.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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