This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
