Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize