how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
