If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
