I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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