Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
