I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
