the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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