just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
