im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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