I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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