is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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