dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
