Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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