Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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