He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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