It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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