Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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