So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
