I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
