i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
