if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
