take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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