I'm sorry my penis didn't work
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize