in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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