This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
