May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
