You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
