remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize