he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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