I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
