Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
